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The Law of F*&#ing Attraction

What is the Law of Attraction?

There are many beliefs regarding the Law of Attraction. A simple Google search will yield the following results –

  • In the New Thought philosophy, the Law of Attraction believes that positive or negative thoughts bring positive or negative experiences into a person's life. Wikipedia

  • The Law of Attraction allows for infinite possibilities, infinite abundance, and endless joy. It knows no order of difficulty, and it can change your life in every way if you let it. Jack Canfield

  • Simply put, the Law of Attraction is the ability to attract into our lives whatever we focus upon. The Law of Attraction uses the mind's power to translate whatever is in our thoughts and materialize them into reality. In basic terms, all thoughts turn into things, eventually.

In some aspects, I agree with each of these explanations about the Law of Attraction. However, I would like to discuss the Law of Attraction in regards to healing.

I believe that God will continuously provide situations and scenarios for your healing. The first subtext in the Law of Attraction should not change your attitude or change your life, but instead, take responsibility for your life. Look around your life and gage your state of being regarding emotional, physical, spiritual, and financial health. Take note of the parts that make you feel warm and cozy inside—pat yourself on the back. The world is a mirror for self-actualization; it can only give you energetically what you are sending out. Do you feel healthy? Are you eating your apples?


For this blog, however, we should focus on the parts of your life that make you cringe and want to hide under your bed. Often, these are the areas we need to heal. Confronting the uncomfortable parts of your past and present and working through them allows space for healing, and with it comes clarity and feeling-focused manifesting mantras. 

In my humble opinion, the first step in accessing the Law of Attraction is to go inward and take responsibility for your life, your thoughts, and your environment. 

For example, if you have a strong victim mentality that, upon reflection, can be traced to some childhood trauma and you are waking up to the fact that perhaps, you have never healed this aspect of self, take stock of your current relationships for clues. A significant indicator would be having someone presently in your circle who victimizes you. Perhaps a friend? A co-worker? A family member? Until you can consciously get to a place where you are observing yourself and your patterns from the past to the present day, the Law of Attraction-no matter how many mantras you repeat-will most likely not materialize for you in the way you want it. That is not to say that repeating positive "I Am" statements will not help you along the way; indeed, it will. As your faith increases in the words you chose to define yourself, your manifesting capabilities will also increase. 

The second step in accessing the Law of Attraction should be taking the time to heal correctly. If you do not, you run the risk of self-sabotaging all of your manifesting efforts. There are no shortcuts. You have to do the inner work to see the outer work take form. Remember to only go into the past to clear it, not to relive it. Eradicate those feelings of being a victim. You are so powerful—a master creator. Taking authority in your life is empowering. You are worth it. The world is YOUR mirror, not the other way around. At first, this process may seem painfully slow and insurmountable, but it is entirely achievable and worth it. Through good friends, prayers, meditation, awareness, and working with healers, you can clear your energy or, at least, learn how to manage it.

Does this mean the Law of Attraction is indefensible? No.


Now, let me tell you a real-life story -

My dear girlfriend and I were inseparable for months. She was fun, lighthearted, and had a beautiful, vivacious, creative spirit. We had talked about our past traumas; she knew I had a past with codependency and toxic male relationships. Growing up, her mother was a narcissist with a personality disorder. Frequently, her mom would use manipulative and controlling tactics on her. Her parents were divorced, and she was more attached to her father. 

During our friendship, she began seeing a man. A few weeks together, he revealed to her that he had been in prison for five years for beating and pulling a gun on an ex-girlfriend and running from the cops. He told her he was a changed man. She had fallen for him and wanted to believe the best. I had previously experienced a similar life event, where the guy I loved promised he would change, too, but sadly, he never did. I tried to be supportive and not critical of her relationship. I told myself that I had no one to talk to during the years I was in my abusive relationship because I didn't want their criticism or judgments. So, I consciously tried to hold that non-judgmental space for her. From my own experience, I believed that her shutting down and isolating was the worst possible outcome. Unfortunately, people in abusive relationships often do this. 

We went on vacation together to the Caribbean. While there, her boyfriend-whom now she had seen for two months-had a jealous fit. He began to attack her, calling her the ugliest names and accusing her of cheating on him. He was unnecessarily hateful. During this immature texting assault, she cried. I attempted to comfort her. A few days later, we arrived home, and they made up—also, a mirrored experience from my past.  

Another month passed before she called me, telling me he had threatened to kill her. The threats and attacks continued; she went to the courthouse to file a restraining order. The clerk, who helped her fill out the paperwork, asked her if she knew what the Law of Attraction was? My friend became very upset; she felt like the clerk was accusing her of welcoming this chaos and dysfunction into her life. She asked me my opinion, and I told her that the Universe is only capable of delivering what's already in our energy field. God continues to provide situations, often very similar ones to us until we heal from them. I brought up her mother being a narcissist and using triangulation and other unhealthy tactics on her growing up. I related the unresolved situation with her mother to her being attracted to this guy—also a narcissistic type. In my opinion, this relationship with him allowed her to confront this unhealed issue with her mother. I told her she might have been trying to heal him as a proxy to her mother on a spiritual level. I gave her some ideas of how she could move forward with this hard life lesson; perhaps she needed to work on self- love, boundaries, and/or developing her personal power.    

My explanation did not soothe her soul. She asked, "Well, what if a woman is dressed promiscuously, and while walking alone down an alleyway, she is raped? Is it her fault? Did she use the Law of Attraction to create that attack?"

First, I thought my friend is so clever. Of course, I did not want to say that the woman attracted her rape—what a cold, insensitive thing to think of or even say aloud. Next, I thought about the rapist obviously; the rapist wanted to feel powerful over others, wanted to dominate, and sought to terrorize physically and emotionally his victim. I wondered who did this to the rapist? Did he feel powerless as a child or too powerful? Initially, I would want to know more information about the rapist since he initiates the action. This analytical still seemed cold and detached when facing the fact that an innocent woman was raped! Then, there is the concept of soul contracts, which was further down the rabbit hole than I wanted to travel with her.

I said, "I don't have all the answers. I can only tell you from my experience that being someone's victim never made me feel happy or complete, but taking authority over my own life and accepting that I had co-created every good, bad and ugly thing that happened to me and then choosing to love myself, choosing to overcome, and then choosing to heal was what needed to be done. Now, to help others heal—well, that's the next level. And it beats being someone's victim anyway you look at it." We parted ways.   

She never really talked to me again.

So, what is the lesson to be learned here? 

Sometimes, I need to keep my thoughts to myself and allow space for other people to have their unfoldment process or not; people are entitled to live their lives the way they want to at whatever level of consciousness they choose. At the end of the day, I lost a good friend. Why? Because of the Law of fucking Attraction.



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